Chiaroscuro for the Soul

An Intellectuals Guide to Being Pretentious.


1) Use fancy words like chiaroscuro (make them up if you don’t know any).
2) Wear a fancy hat.
3) Speak in an English accent, but make sure it is Received Pronunciation (Queens English – more Prince Charles, less John Lennon).
4) Make sure people are around. It is not fun to be pretentious unless someone is nearby to appreciate it (don’t worry, they will thank you later).
5) Pick a fancy name, alliterations are best– Albrecht Austere, Esq. (It’s mine, don’t take it).
6) Have a cat – Himalayans are best. A quick rule of thumb is the fluffier the cat the more pretentious.
7) Wear a monocle and use a cane… Mr. Peanut is our guide, study him closely.
8) Have a signature color. Surround yourself with it, wear it, love it.
9) You can have any car you want, as long as you have a driver.
10) Write a blog. It lets people know, that you know, they care what you say.

-Albrecht Austere, Esq.